DANVILLE, KY (The Borowitz Report)—In a poll of Democratic voters taken immediately following Thursday night’s Vice-Presidential debate, a wide majority said they wanted Vice-President Joe Biden to appear in all remaining 2012 debates: Continue reading.
Andrew Kaczynski at Buzzfeed points out Romney’s flip-flopping, caught on tape, from April 2010: “Mitt Romney yesterday said in an interview with CBS News that the individual mandate was a tax, while the plan he put in place in Massachusetts was a penalty, and not a tax. In a video from April 2010, Mitt Romney praised some similarities between his plan and President Obama’s. Romney said he liked the individual mandate, the portability of the insurance, the requirement that insurers cover people with a preexisting condition, and the similar exchanges. Romney said his plan was different because it was state plan and his plan did not raise taxes, and did not cut Medicare. (As a Governor, Romney had no authority to cut Medicare.)”
Yesterday at a Fourth of July parade, Rep. Bill Young (R-FL) provedthat one’s elevator doesn’t need to get anywhere close to the top floor to be a Republican Member of the House:
CONSTITUENT: Hi, I’m (inaudible) how are you? Happy Fourth of July. Jesse Jackson, Jr. is passing a bill around to increase the minimum wage to 10 bucks and hour. Do you support that?
YOUNG: Probably not.
CONSTITUENT: 10 bucks, that would give us a living wage.
YOUNG: How about getting a job?
CONSTITUENT: I do have one.
YOUNG: Well, then why do you want that benefit? Get a job.
What I’m saying is, a GOP Congressman doesn’t need to be in possession of all the fries in his Happy Meal to be elected. If Rep. Bill Young and a sack of earthworms were competing on a game show, there’s a real possibility the sack of earthworms would be walking away with the prize money. That said, it’s inevitable that the conservative brain trust of Florida will re-elect this guy again and again and again. ‘Merika!
Another video flashback of Mitt having an opinion in the past that completely contradicts his current “severely Republican” opinion, which I like to call: “That’s so Romney!“
Video from 2006 of Mitt Romney describing his Massachusetts health care law and the funding Romney describes as a “tax or other penalties to ensure that everybody comes into the system,” compelling the wealthy to buy insurance — like President Obama’s Affordable Care Act. — Buzzfeed
LOL: Ben Smith and Zeke Miller of Buzzfeed Politics (Romney’s online PR firm) would like it very much, thank you, if you’d move along and quit talking about the ACA being ruled constitutional in a 5-4 vote by the Supreme Court. They want you to know that you’re not interested in talking about it anymore and neither are they.We’re all so over it.
I just don’t understand, since it was only two days ago Buzzfeed’s own McKay Coppins reported that either way the Supreme Court went with Obamacare, it would be fantastic news for Mitt Romney. Why don’t they want to talk about Mitt’s fantastic news?
Mitt’s boy band (his five sons) appeared on Conan to try and convince the unwashed masses that their “severely conservative,” and infamously wealth-grabbing father is both hilarious and great fun with all his clever “pranks” — most of which the sons have had to personally deal with since birth. See? He’s just a regular guy! they say. But the hollow smiles and dead eyes betray the PTSD.
Charles Johnson of LGF summarizes: “Mitt loves that one where he says, “This butter is spoiled, here, smell it,” and then as soon as you lean over to smell it he pushes the butter into your face. Or whipped cream, that’s also a hoot. Never gets tired of it. His kids fall for it every time.”
Now THAT would never get old, would it?
Ann Laurie from Balloon Juice observes: “Pro tip, Willard: If you’ve finished puberty and people are still calling you a “prankster”, it’s time to re-examine your life, because what they’re really saying is you’re a bully who lacks the balls to own up to his desire to hurt people.”
Taegan Goddard reports on a bus tour that Romney’s planning:
The Washington Post reports Mitt Romney “is trying to seize momentum with a five-day bus tour through small towns across six battleground states.”
And how excited is Mark Halperin? THIS EXCITED:
[…] Mark Halperin: “Interesting thing about Romney’s just-announced battleground state bus trip: (1) It includes Michigan; if Romney can put his father’s home state in play, it is an Electoral College game changer; (2) all of these states have small towns and rural areas that are not the President’s electoral strength and where Romney can gain an advantage if he runs up the kinds of margins George W. Bush did in 2004; and (3) watch to see if this trip draws network correspondents and/or big-foot print reporters, who, on most every day for the last several months, have been absent from the Romney roadshow. (4) notice what family members and surrogates join the journey and what roles they are assigned.”
I have my own list of things I wonder about this bus tour:
Will Romney be allowed to interact, one on one, with people who don’t make millions of dollars? That usually doesn’t go well.
If he is allowed to interact, unsupervised, will reporters be barred from filming it?
Halperin is excited about Romney’s potential in small towns and rural communities — in other words, does that mean we should expect some low level dog-whistling and talk of Kenyan births?
What new way can Mitt screw up the presentation of pastries? He’s already embarrassed himself with cookies and donuts.
Will there be a dog be strapped to the roof of this bus?
Will local teachers, firefighters and cops turn out to cheer Romney’s plans for them?
Will Mitt will share his Mormon-based religious beliefs with the base? (KIDDING! Of course he won’t)
Will Mitt and Marie Antoinette fly to each small town ahead of the tour bus, a la Palin? If not, will the underpaid housekeepers on staff be expected to ride along as well?
What uber-patriotic, gun and Jesus loving, semi-fascist name will the tour bus be given?
We should name Romney’s bus. There was the hilarious “Country First” on McCain’s bus. And Palin, in her typically FU Haterz! fashion, named hers “One Nation” (I don’t think anyone ever found out the purpose of that tour). So maybe Romney’s could be “Let poor people buy their own money” or “Apocalypse Now.”